If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
