She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
