I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
