My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
