You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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