Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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