how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We need to get me chipped asap
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
