I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize