Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
