:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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