TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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