she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
