I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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