Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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