The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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