So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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