my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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