Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
