So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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