We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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