i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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