My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
