happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
