Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
