If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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