if i can run in heels then i can drive
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
