We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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