Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
