ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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