The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize