He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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