so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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