Banned from zoo.
Again?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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