is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
