I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
