she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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