dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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