Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
