It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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