oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
