we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
