Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
