Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will be naked everywhere
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
