you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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