Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
