We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
