Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
