I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
