Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
