Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize