end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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