How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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