You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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