There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
