What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
