saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
