my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
