She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
