She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
