He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
