Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
