I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
