Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
