someone threw a dead crab at me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
