Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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