i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
