I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
