Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
