Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
