im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
