brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
